


The Lad's List

by dragonslastarc



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Gen, lads are grounded, least serious thing ever, the list of lists
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-24
Updated: 2015-02-24
Packaged: 2018-03-14 23:29:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3429455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonslastarc/pseuds/dragonslastarc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The master list of things Team Lads can't do or say anymore.   That's it.  It's a list... (everyone listed is just mentioned because as I said, it's literally a list...)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Lad's List

**Author's Note:**

> Oh my god what did I write?? Yeah I did a thing because I'm supposed to be writing Ray's heat for Defying Expectations but I keep drawing blanks. I promise I am working on it though! In the mean time enjoy some completely unrelated humor.

A comprehensive list of actions and phrases that are now off limits as compiled by Team Gents.

 

1\.  Not allowed to watch My Little Pony while pretending to edit videos.

 

2\.  Your team name is Team Lads, not Team We'll Suck Your Dick For 5 Bucks.

 

3\.  Not allowed to threaten people with "British black magic" in order to get the last cookie.

 

4\.  No allowed to challenge Ryans disbelief of British black magic by asking for a lock of his hair.

 

5\.  Not allowed to get a Mohawk.  Ever again.

 

6\.  Not allowed to challenge the local girl scouts to a Jersey death match.

 

7\.  Should not add "in accordance with the prophecy" to any answer directed towards Matt, Burnie, Gus or Geoff.

 

8\.  Should not shuffle around on carpets to build up static, then demand to be called "Ray/Michael/Gavin: Lord of Lightning" and shocking those who do not comply.  Repeatedly.

 

9\.  Not allowed to chew gum during recordings, unless you bring enough for everyone.

 

10\.  Not allowed to chew gum during recordings, even if you did bring enough for everyone.   (Gavin choking on his gum that one time was once too many. )

 

11\.  When asked for opinion for a new game to play for Let's Play Wednesday,  a Meet'n'Fuck flash game is not an appropriate suggestion.

 

12\.  Must not refer to Jack as "Daddy" (Geoff will not miss again).

 

13\.  Must not refer to Geoff as "Mommy".

 

14\.  Not allowed to purchase the soul of anyone in the company.

 

15\.  Not allowed to trade your last cookie for anyone's soul, especially Ryan.   It's just mean.

 

16\.  If someone cannot pay the full amount agreed upon for a bet, it simply means they owe you until next payday.   This does not entitle you to sell their body for the remaining debt plus interest.

 

17\.  Not allowed to train Joe the Cat to vomit on command.

 

18\.  Especially on Kdin's desk.

 

19\.  Not allowed to train army of stray cats to follow Joel around.

 

20\.  Never shout to Joel that "stocks and gold suck!" Ryan and Jack will not always be there to save you.

 

21\.  Cannot trade Chris to another company.

 

22\.  Not allowed to pimp Barbara out to creepy fans in exchange for alcohol.   Not even if you offer to share.

 

23\.  Not allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of your actions.

 

24\.  Not allowed to let sock puppets take over the company.

 

25\.  Roses do not make you transform into Tuxedo Mask and you should stop trying.  Adam is still digging thorns out of his beard from last time.

 

26\.  Not allowed to ask for time off for religious holidays that are not in fact part of your religion.

 

27\.  You are not Vav, you cannot fly and you should not jump off the roof of the bungalow to prove that you can.

 

28\.  Your glasses are not specially designed to enhance your natural X-ray vision and you should stop staring creepily at everyone in the office.   Employees are threatening to file harassment charges.

 

29\.  Rage is not your super power and alcohol does not transform you into Mogar.

 

30\.  Not allowed to create hiring adds and post them on the website.  (Suck a few nobs and you can build with Matt and Jeremy! )

 

31\.  The following phrases should not be improvised in any short:  necrophilia totally counts cause they can't say no, Mad King Loves Wang, Lad Sexcapades, I want all my holes filled with your jizz, DP me mother fucker!, RvB stands for righteous virgin butts, or Japanese rope bondage.

 

32\.  Not allowed to fire any intern for eating the last piece of meat lovers pizza.

 

33\.  Not allowed to bet any more money against Michael, you will very likely go broke.

 

34\.  Not allowed to offer money to Ray for sexual favors, he will always agree and one of the Gents will not always be there to stop it from happening.

 

35\.  Not allowed to threaten Gavin with wet bread to get your way.

 

36\.  Not allowed to threaten Gavin with wet bread in order to get him to say "fuck" on camera so you can post it on the internet.

 

37\.  Stop hiding things Jeremy needs on high shelves.  He almost fell off one last week and we do not need accident reports.

 

38\.  Must not convince Jack to teach you to drive then attempt things "I've done in GTA".

 

39\.  If an idea makes you giggle for more than fifteen seconds it is to be assumed that you should not do it.

 

40\.  The proper response to a request from anyone who has control over your employment should not be "why?"

 

41\.  It is better to beg forgiveness than ask permission no longer applies to Team Lads.

 

42\.  Fire is not your pretty, crackly friend and no it does not talk to you.

 

43\.  Must not conduct psychological experiments on any coworker.

 

44\.  Literally trapping Ryan in a hole so he "knows how the fuck poor Edgar feels!  No way in!  No way out!" is not funny nor will Geoff stop Ryan from exacting his revenge.

 

45\.  When asked on the twitter feed of a live podcast who the bigger man is, you are absolutely not to unzip and prove it.

46\.  The phrase "no one saw me do it, you can't prove a fucking thing!" in no way proves your innocence,  especially when said preemptively.

 

47\.  None of you are the king or queen of sugar plums and you should never, ever wear those costumes again.

 

48\.  Not allowed to challenge Miles to "meet me at dawn on the field of honor!"

 

49\.  You are not authorized to initiate a Jihad on negative YouTube commenters.

 

50\.  No allowed to train dogs to "sic interns".

 

51\.  Stop asking Jon about shirts.  He will get to the fucking shirts.

 

52\.  Joel is not old enough to remember the stock market crash or the great depression and you should stop implying that he is.

 

53\.  Burnie's hair is not edible.  No that isn't a typo.

 

54\.  The fuck train does have breaks.  Seriously, that thing has a shelf life.

 

55\.  You should not speculate on the pens size of Joel, Adam, Gus, Jack or Kara.

 

56\.  Matt is not Ray's "clone gone wrong" and you should stop trying to run experiments to prove that he is.

 

57\.  Joel's computer is not your technology god; therefore you should not dance around it naked.   Especially if it's being recorded with Gavin's Phantom.

 

58\.  Teaching the interns rude phrases to say to Gus in Spanish under the guise of teaching them compliments is not funny.

 

59\.  Trying to sacrifice Team Building Exercises to the lords of the underworld to gain eternal life is not ok.

 

60\. The Microsoft Word dancing paperclip is not authorized to overturn orders given to you by your boss.

 

61\.  "I'm high as fuck" is a bad answer given to anyone who is paid more than you.

 

62\.  "I'm drunk" is also a bad answer.

 

63\.  No allowed to use an actual sword to disprove "the pen is mightier than the sword".

 

64\.  Stop it with the milkshake,  Ryan will actually kill you.

 

65\.  Should not threaten Chris and Brandon with pop rocks and coke.

 

66\.  The following items do not exist: slow-mo tracking device, Mogar's power cloak, the key to Achievement City, Monty's sleep mode button, Dan-the-Man emergency beacon, and a life size Tower of Pimps and dragging various employees around the building to look for them constitutes a waste of time.

 

67\.  There is no such thing as a were-virgin.   Jack is not one.

 

68\.  You do not get "that time of the month".

 

69\.  Not allowed to run a side business out of the Achievement Hunter office.

 

70\.  Especially not a pornographic movie studio.

 

71\.  Even if the videos are "video game inspired".

 

72\.  Not allowed to create levels of security clearance with Team Lads at the top.

 

73\.  Your Yoshi stuffie is not your valiant steed and you will stop riding it everywhere.

 

74\.  Any device that can crawl from the Achievement Hunter office to the kitchen on medium setting does not belong in the office.

 

75\.  Races should not be organized using said devices.

 

76\.  You are not a lesbian trapped in a man's body.

 

77\.  When renewing your work visa, your sex is not "other".

 

78\.  Nor is it "yes please".

 

79\.  "It's a Jersey thing" is not an excuse.

 

80\.  None of your names are killing words and you should not suggest this to Chris.

 

81\.  Never taunt employees in the midst of nicotine withdrawal, specifically Joel, with cigarettes.

 

82\.  While wearing a dark expression all day, then shooting Geoff in the chest with a paintball gun in the middle of the kitchen at lunch time was considered a good practical joke by most of the company (including Geoff) it sent Kara and several interns into panic attacks and roused Monty from sleep mode ready to deliver a righteous ninja judgment.

 

83\.  The proper response to a company meeting is not "that's what you think".

 

84\.  Do not challenge Geoff to a drinking contest.  He will win.

 

85\.  STOP FUCKING BRINGING UP THE COINS!

 

86\.  You do not have a working collection of voodoo dolls for the entire company and convincing Chris you do was just cruel.

 

87\.  Cannot use public masturbation to demonstrate a flaw in Ryan's argument.

 

88\.  Jack's beard is not a portal to another dimension.

 

89\.  Just because you somehow managed to use the grappling hook correctly in Worms that one time does not mean you should attempt the same stunt in real life.

 

90\.  Handing giant lollipops to Kerry and Jeremy and trying to get them to sing the song from the Wizard of Oz was very hurtful and next time Geoff will let Matt and Miles beat the shit out of you for making them cry.

 

91\.  You are not the emperor of anything and no one should be made to bow to your glory.

 

92\.  Sending interns on a scavenger hunt is not a good use of your or their time and Burnie will start docking your pay the next time it happens.

 

93\.  Kung-shoe is not to be done in crowded rooms where anyone other than Burnie might be hit.

 

94\.  Not allowed to shout "Mogar bitches!" while smacking people with the foam Minecraft sword as they come around the corner.

 

95\.  "Ju-Bl!" is not a motivational phrase and you should stop plastering the walls with posters.

 

96\.  No you may not touch Geoff's mustache.

 

97\.  Ryan does not want to be the Edgar in your hole.

 

98\.  It doesn't matter which of you made the three hour loop of Jack's slow-mo truffle shuffle, you are all in trouble and it will not happen again.

 

99\.  Not allowed to form an anti-Gent league of doom and recruit anyone under the age of 30 to join and rise up against the Gent oppression.

 

100\.  Stop confessing to crimes that took place before you were born.

**Author's Note:**

> So this is literally it...just a bit of silliness adapted from similar lists I've seen in other fandoms. I can absolutely see the Gents sitting down to write this out then gathering up the Lads to read it to them in true "you're fucked" fashion before posting it for all the employees to see. :D I might expand on this if I get enough suggestions, and I will absolutely give credit where due But for now this is it. Also side note? Wrote this weeks ago and am now torn between amused and sad at the Monty additions.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The Lad's List: One Shots](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6187768) by [Canadiantardis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Canadiantardis/pseuds/Canadiantardis)




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